What is it about the book "A Million Random Digits With 100,000 Normal Deviates" that brings out the wiseguy in people?
Rand Corp.'s 600-page paperback, which delivers exactly what it promises, sells for $64.60 on Amazon.com . Yet 400 people have submitted online Amazon reviews, most of them mocking the 60-year-old reference book for mathematicians, pollsters and lottery administrators.
"Almost perfect," said one reviewer. "But with so many terrific random digits, it's a shame they didn't sort them, to make it easier to find the one you're looking for."
Five stars from this commenter: "[T]he first thing I thought to myself after reading chapter one was, 'Look out, Harry Potter!' "
Several reviewers complained that while most of the numbers in the book appeared satisfactorily random, the pages themselves were in numerical order.
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Amazon's online superstore has become the unlikely stage for 21st-century amateur comedy, where thousands of customers have submitted reviews for products ranging from the self-explanatory explanatory book "How to Avoid Huge Ships" to the Hutzler 571 banana slicer, a yellow plastic banana-shaped device that cuts bananas into even slices.
Rand said its long list of random numbers, first published in 1955, is one of its all-time best sellers. "It's a tool of some sort, but it's beyond my clear understanding," a Rand spokesman admitted.
One Amazon reviewer panned a real-life copycat publication called "A Million Random Digits THE SEQUEL: with Perfectly Uniform Distribution." "Let's be honest, 4735942 is just a rehashed version of 64004382, and 32563233 is really nothing more than 97132654 with an accent."
"We are always amazed by the creativity of our customers," said an Amazon spokeswoman.
The late John W. Trimmer's earnest guide to maritime safety, "How to Avoid Huge Ships," won a prize for oddest title of 1992 and is now out of print. Online, though, it's the gift gag that keeps on giving.
"Reads like a whodunit," said one five-star reviewer, joking "I bought 'How to Avoid Huge Ships' as a companion to Capt. Trimmer's other excellent titles: 'How to Avoid a Train' and 'How to Avoid the Empire State Building.'" More than 1,500 people said that review helped them decide whether to buy the book.
"Saved My Life and My Sanity," praised a 2012 reviewer. "For about 8 months now I have noticed that a huge ship has been stalking me…I was fearful because my parents were killed by a big ship when they went out one day 4 years ago to walk the dog, and I have nightmares about it to this day."
That reviewer gave the book four out of five stars. "I do have to deduct a star because this book did not come out in time to save my parents."
Many "Huge Ships" shoppers also viewed "The 2009-2014 Outlook for Wood Toilet Seats in Greater China," a $495 e-book by Icon Group International, which publishes computer-generated market reports.
"I was thinking, 'Sweet! Finally a version of Outlook that will run on my wooden Chinese toilet seats!!'" wrote one disappointed reviewer. "Little did I know this has **NOTHING** to do with Outlook for Windows or any other Microsoft product."
Putative buyers of the "Fresh Whole Rabbit" ($45.90) appear taken aback by what arrives in the mail. "It's Dead!" complained a California reviewer. "I bought this for my kids since they wanted a bunny for Easter…They cried the whole day and it really made the Easter Egg hunt a downer…It may have been alive when it was first packed but the box didn't have any holes in it."
Philippe Desandre, French-born chairman of the rabbit purveyor, LeVillage.com, suspects animal-rights activists are behind the flurry of comments and photos posted to the Los Angeles company's Amazon page. "It's because in America rabbit is considered a pet, which is not the case in Europe," he said.
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Images Scientific Instruments
Images Scientific Instruments' uranium sample has reached 'cult status.'
Nearly 11,500 people found helpful this three-star review of the Images Scientific Instruments Uranium Ore sample: "I purchased this product 4.47 billion years ago and when I opened it today, it was half empty."
John Iovine, president of the Staten Island company, has adopted an any-buzz-is-good-buzz attitude toward the endless radiation jokes. "After 100 or 200 [reviews], you just have to give in and just let it go," he said.
Besides, an Amazon manager wrote Mr. Iovine congratulating him for his uranium's "cult status."
The Hutzler 571 banana slicer—which can be pressed onto a banana to slice even pieces—has generated 4,000 reviews. "I had to return this product because it is only for bananas that curve to the right and I can only find bananas that curve to the left," a one-star reviewer complained.
"Imagine my disappointment when I opened the box to discover that they hadn't sent the power cord," wrote another. "This may be the best thing since sliced beer, but I have no way of knowing."
A more favorable comment from a customer identified as Mrs. Toledo: "What can I say about the 571B Banana Slicer that hasn't already been said about the wheel, penicillin, or the iPhone."
"For decades I have been trying to come up with an ideal way to slice a banana," said one customer. "'Use a knife!' they say. Well…my parole officer won't allow me to be around knives. 'Shoot it with a gun!' Background check…HELLO!"
Monique Haas, vice president of family-owned Hutzler Manufacturing Co., in Canaan, Conn., said when the design team came up with the 571, she wondered whether the world needed another way to cut bananas. She came around after her children test-drove the $3.59 device. It hasn't hurt that the wiseguy reviews have boosted Hutzler's sales among wiseguys.
The sharpest-edged consumer sarcasm seems reserved for the thin-barreled BIC Cristal For Her Ball Pens.
"The delicate shape and pretty pastel colors make it perfect for writing recipe cards, checks to my psychologist (I'm seeing him for a case of the hysterics), and tracking my monthly cycle," wrote one reviewer. "Obviously, I don't use it for vulgar endeavors like math or filling out a voter application, but BIC Cristal for Her is a lovely little writing utensil all the same. Ask your husband for some extra pocket money so you can buy one today!"
A package of 16 sells for $13.12.
"We continue to be intrigued by the conversation that surrounds the BIC for Her line and are always interested in hearing consumer feedback about our products," said BIC USA spokeswoman Jill Johnson.
Source: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424127887323528404578454763919379102.html
